That's not my name.
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NANYANG POLY.
4 JANUARY.
touch and you rot.
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Dec 1, 2008, 1:16 AM
night falls,everyone is asleep, taking a rest from this buzzy town of mine.
i am tired too, but i cant get myself to sleep nor to just shut my eyes up.
now what i only hear are just typing sounds from my keypads and the sound of random passing-by cars.
what comes to my mind are things that i had done for almost the past one year, looking back at those little things, whether are they sweet or bitter, they are still part of me. no matter how hard i wish i can forget everything in the past, maybe sometimes even now, it still cant be. they are something that cant be get rid of. without them, there wont be Marailyn, typing here.
i may be happy once twice, i dont know. or maybe i am hurt once twice, and i dont know either. i'm 18 going to 19 soon, maybe there are still alot of things that i have yet to experience in my mundane life. but one thing i must really say, i changed the most during this year, 2008. maybe till now i am still finding my really very own identity, slowly searching. well, it's takes time, doesnt it.
i've learnt to let things go, because i know it's not realistic of me hanging or clinging onto things that arent mine anymore. letting go seems easy, but having it to forever keeping inside one corner of my heart is more than ever difficult. i always thought crying can make someone numb and get over with things. maybe it's useful to the old me, but it's not to me now. if i were the old me, i think i wouldnt be able to stand up right and continue with my life, maybe i would just destroy or screw my own life with my bare hands.
i let go of everything that i should, but in the mean time, they are all like engraving painfully on my heart. now, i dont cry, my heart does it all. at least, i wont have puffy eyes in the morning each time, and start panicking about it and regrets crying after that. i wont make life so difficult for myself again, it's totally inequitable to me, myself. what the hell should i be doing all these, because once gone forever it's gone.
honestly, i still do hold on after all i am still just a mere human being, like no others.
just like before, i acted strong, as if nothing has happen.
i feel so contradicted by myself.
move on, and stop pondering over things that will never happen MARAILYN NG XUANRU!
you have all my wishes, from the bottom of my heart.
though we may not be meant, but at least i am glad that we clicked well as friends.
and you're someone who i really want, and treasure as a friend for my rest of my life.
xoxoxoxo,
marailyn.